I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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