If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
