Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
