They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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