I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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