; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
