I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
