Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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