I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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