Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
