I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
