How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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