I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
