...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
