He told me they were just razor bumps!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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