guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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