Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
