Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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