You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
