this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
