turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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