first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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