My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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