i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Let's get the cat blown out
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
