Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
