i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
