Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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