at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
