you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
