Sponge bath it is.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
