she woke up with a sticky ear
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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