barbara walters just said penis...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
