let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
