She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
