Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
