I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
