There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
