and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
