he puts the penis in happiness.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
