I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
