you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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