Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
