dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
