I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
