video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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