Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hippo gnu deer
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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