He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
