Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Randomize
