Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
