summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
