If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
