what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
